Witness directory · sworn into the record
The Twelve Who Vouch For PeePoo
Twelve character witnesses, each sworn in and cross-examined, every one pointing the same direction — away from PeePoo and toward a frog who happens to share his exact face. Read their dossiers. The defense rests on them.
- Mrs. HopkinsLily-pad neighbor of 14 seasons
PeePoo cleaned my pond when no one was looking. He even folded the cattails. There's NO WAY he did it.
Sworn to corroborate Exhibit C — the 3:47 AM alibi timeline
Read Mrs. Hopkins's full sworn affidavit - Big Beak BrendaLocal apex predator (retired heron)
I'm a heron. I eat frogs. I would never eat PeePoo. He's too pure. Eat his brother instead. I'll pay.
Sworn to corroborate Charge § 04.2 — the heron recants her loitering report
Read Big Beak Brenda's full sworn affidavit - Det. SalamandezLead investigator, Swamp PD
His tongue-prints don't match. His alibi checks out. PeePoo is guilty only of being a really chill amphibian.
Sworn to corroborate Exhibit A — the two tongue-prints
Read Det. Salamandez's full sworn affidavit - Forensic FlossieSwamp PD forensic flycatcher
I matched the curl on every one of those 17 checks. That tongue belongs to the other twin — by tongue. I'd stake my whole proboscis on it.
Sworn to corroborate Exhibits A & B — the tongue-print match on the forged checks
Read Forensic Flossie's full sworn affidavit - Quentin QuillCourt-appointed tongue-writing analyst
I studied all 17 forged checks. Not one was signed by an honest frog. I wept into the bundle. The bundle is now evidence too.
Sworn to corroborate Exhibit B — the 17 forged checks
Read Quentin Quill's full sworn affidavit - GnatalieThe one (1) really nice gnat from the alibi
I was the gnat. He admired me for an hour and never once tried to eat me. A guilty frog does not behave this way. I decline further questions.
Sworn to corroborate Exhibit C — the 3:47 AM alibi timeline
Read Gnatalie's full sworn affidavit - Cousin TadwellEstranged third frog of the clutch
Same clutch. Same pond. Same mom. I always knew which twin would turn evil. Spoiler: it WASN'T PeePoo.
Sworn to corroborate Charge § 09.1 — he knew which twin held the curl
Read Cousin Tadwell's full sworn affidavit - Mama Marsh-HopperPeePoo's mother (and the other one's, regrettably)
I raised both my boys the same. Only one of them still sends me checks I can actually cash. A mother knows which tongue is which.
Sworn to corroborate Charge § 09.1 — a mother's read on the forgery
Read Mama Marsh-Hopper's full sworn affidavit - CarlDay-one believer
I'd vouch for PeePoo in any court in any swamp. The frog literally cannot tell a lie. I've tested it. Repeatedly.
Sworn to corroborate Charge § 09.1 — physically incapable of forgery
Read Carl's full sworn affidavit - Counselor CroaksworthPeePoo's court-appointed public defender
My client has never told a lie in his life and isn't about to start across courtroom glass. The prosecution charged the wrong twin. I have said this 17 times.
Sworn to corroborate Charge § 09.1 — wrong twin in the dock
Read Counselor Croaksworth's full sworn affidavit - Bailiff MarshLily-pad Lockup, B-block
He cried in court. He DIDN'T fake-cry. PeePoo CANNOT fake anything. The jury was sobbing. The bailiff was sobbing. I was sobbing.
Sworn to corroborate Charge § 11.6 — the courtroom standing ovation
Read Bailiff Marsh's full sworn affidavit - Juror No. 7 (Tabitha Toad)Foreperson of the jury
We deliberated for four minutes. Two of those were the standing ovation for 'Bohemian Ribbitsody.' The verdict was innocent. The encore was mandatory.
Sworn to corroborate Charge § 11.6 — reckless croaking after dark
Read Juror No. 7 (Tabitha Toad)'s full sworn affidavit
All twelve testimonies sworn, logged, and entered into file PP-08-21-9420. Chain of custody maintained by the Swamp PD evidence locker. Do not remove pins.
Sworn into the record
Twelve swore he's innocent. Be the thirteenth voice.
Every repost is another character witness. Every follow keeps the case in the record.